and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
