Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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