Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
