who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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