a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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