Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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