well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
