Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
