It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
