My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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