after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
