just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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