Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he fucked my hip out of place.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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