Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
