drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
