someone get that fucking seahorse.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
