he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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