its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
