forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize
