She's JV to your varsity
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
