Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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