it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
