well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
