Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"

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(575): View more from New Mexico

We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"

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(720): View more from Colorado

Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.

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(301): View more from Maryland

You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass

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(206): View more from Washington

I have a mailbox and I don't know why.

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