Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize