dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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