I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
