I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
