who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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