He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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