very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize