i would punch a child for taco bell
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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