If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize