is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
