Sponge bath it is.
I cannot find my penis.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
