You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize