people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
