you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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