I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
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