i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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