I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
