Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
