Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
