pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
