my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That accounts for only three of the penises
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize