He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize