I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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