if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
