Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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