It's like God shit irony all over that family
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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