I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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