Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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