Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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