We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
