i jhust puked up my retainher.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
