btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
