why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
