She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
