I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
