Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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