Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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