Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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