Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
