I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
