so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
