Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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