I wish I could punch you in the face.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
