Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
