I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
