you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so let's talk penis.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
