I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
