I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
