David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
