I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
