So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
