Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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