it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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