Jerry, you need to find god
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
