I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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