I think I won the penis lottery.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
