Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
