my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize