I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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