I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
