I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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