wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
