So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
