I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
