fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Someone shattered a urinal.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
