There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
