the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
