as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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