It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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