I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
