you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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