god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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