puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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