Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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